What I've learned about myself, life, love, and relationships post break up

My life is completely changing this year. I am graduating from college, starting my full time career, and moving out of the house. 2013 for me, started with the ending of my nearly 6 year relationship with my high school sweet heart. While I was sad and lonely at first, I quickly discovered how fun it can be to be 22, hot, and single. I went through a 2 to 3 month phase of being single and loving it: getting phone numbers, going on dates, accepting drinks, dancing with and kissing strangers. I even revisited my ex bf from before my 6 year relationship. However, I managed to gain some insight as to what I want out of life and how to be happy. As an individual, I've changed in so many ways, that I wouldn't recognize myself from a year ago. Some lessons I learned:

Your parents don't always understand you or know what is best for you

As soon as I became single, there was no shortage of advice from all sources. Even facebook started putting Match.com ads in my newsfeed. I felt like it was a time for me to explore many different parts of life that I'd never had the opportunity to explore before. I had a chance to redefine who I am and what I want out of life and a potential partner. My mother also had a chance to push her idea of what she wants in my potential partner. The guy I have been seeing on the regular did not fit her ideas, nor did the dynamics of our relationship. She was not shy about letting me know her opinion every second of every day.
This is when I decided that I was not going to live my life to make her happy anymore. Up to this point, everything in my life was to make her happy (my boyfriend, my grades) except a tattoo and belly button piercing that she greatly disapproved of. I found myself asking if her happiness was enough of a reason for me to do, or not do something. Nope, it was time to start living for me.
Over and over I've heard that the choices I make right now will impact the rest of my life...but isn't that true at any age? and should that stop me from making decisions?

Just b/c you are alone doesn't mean you have to be sad

This one was learned the hard way. Shortly after graduating, I went through a period of feeling absolutely alone and really depressed about it. But then a confrontation about my behavior spurred me to adjust my perspective. There are lots of things that I like to do on my own, things that make me happy. Like looking for my apartment that I'm going to move into in September, looking for a fun summer job to earn a little money, or making plans with friends so that I have something to look forward to all the time. Getting busy is the best way to combat feeling sad from being alone. Staying busy helped me not drive away the person I care for the most. 

You don't NEED to be jealous, so don't

I am now in a new relationship with the man I mentioned earlier. He is good for me in a lot of ways. He helped me overcome my need to make my parents happy. After all, I am a grown ass woman. He is unique in that he doesn't get jealous over me. No matter what I did while we were seeing each other early on, he kept trying to make me happy. And in return, now I want to make him happy. His lack of jealousy upset me at first because I thought it meant he did not really like me, but it turns out, he was letting me discover what I want. And as it turns out, I want someone who wants to make me happy.
So I have great respect for him. I don't need to be jealous that he spends time with other people or that he likes to play video games. Its what makes him happy and I want him to be happy. I would hate for him to lose a single friend because of me.

You shouldn't lose your friends because you are now in a relationship

This is a big one. a HUGE one. I've seen this happen with some of my closest friends (ex-closest friends). It even happened in my long term relationship. My ex lost most of his friends when we got together...and it's not because I forced him to stop seeing them, its just that they weren't a priority to him anymore. I make a special effort to see my friends regardless of whether or not I'm in a relationship. That's how I kept most of my friends. It is tempting to blame your bf/gf for your loss of friends, but it's really your own decision whether you want to invest in those  friendships still. Relationships come and go, no matter how much you want to believe that you've found the one. The fact is, one person cannot provide you with EVERYTHING that you need emotionally. And when you need advice, it's important to have a pool of people instead of just one person. Main point: friends are important. 

The people who care about you, show up

It sucks when friends bail on plans. It's probably the single most upsetting thing to me in friendships. I've let go of a good friend who stood me up one too many times. I'd rather invest my time and plan things with people who will actually make seeing me a priority and show up. Once you find someone who is that good friend and consistently shows up, its the best feeling. Good friends are rare, but they're worth the search. 

I've learned that I want to be with someone who treats me like a princess and makes me happy

This is where the experience with revisiting my first ex comes into play. We started talking right after my break up. He is the type of guy that knows how to get the ladies. He's always in love with someone new and always "re-inventing" himself. When I was 15, I had been forbidden to see him, so now that I am a grown ass woman, I wanted to see if there was anything between us. Why was I so head over heels in love with him when I was 15? Turns out, his first concern was not making me happy, or even getting me to like him. I don't know what his goal is, but he has a way of making me feel like shit. Right then and there I knew this guy will never be the one for me and that its really important to me to be with someone who sees my value, and wants to make me happy. Genuinely happy. Lucky for me, this man who makes me happy had been under my nose the entire time. 

I am responsible for my own happiness 

Near the end of my relationship, my ex said that he felt like I was trying to change everything about him. And it was true. I guess I had the thought that if I could just mold him into the perfect guy, then I'd be happy. So many things about him bothered me and I wasn't happy being with him. We were comfortable in our long term relationship, but not happy (at least I wasn't). Some wise guidance helped me see that if this relationship wasn't going to fulfill me long term, then it's time to end it. So now, I don't blame anyone else for my level of happiness, or lack of happiness. 

If you can run for 90 seconds straight, you can run a half marathon, or even a full marathon. 

Changing topic just a little, but not entirely. Tackling something that I once thought was impossible is one of the most rewarding experiences. I've learned that I have more endurance, commitment, and drive than I ever knew. It is also a humbling experience, because while I may be faster than some, there is always someone in front of me, winning the race. I have always been goal oriented: grades, career, etc. But my personal goal of running a marathon has probably taught me more about myself than any other goals. A quote I love: "The miracle isn't that I finished, it's that I had the courage to begin." 

Honestly, I never thought I'd be a runner. Running sucks. It's hot, you get sweaty, sometimes cramps, and blisters! Oh the blisters! But if I can train for a marathon, anyone can. My sister's favorite quote: "You do have what it takes to run a marathon and change your life." 

My next goal is a triathlon. Gonna start training as soon as I finish my first marathon on June 2.