Yesterday marked the start of week 17 in my 40(ish) week journey toward becoming a mother. I'm a little disgusted with myself that it took me this long to put pen to digital paper to document my experience becoming a first time mom, but here we are.
Everyone asks me how I'm feeling, so I'll tell you - I'm feeling great. I am eating whatever I want to, I'm off cat box duty for the next several months, and I'm growing the cutest little bulge where my abs used to be.
It's taken some getting used to: the idea that I'm going to be someone's mom. I'm not used to it yet. It's really one of these things that you just need to take one day at a time.
It's actually quite shocking how much I already care for the 5-inch life inside me. I can't feel it yet, but after seeing his/her picture at the doctor's two weeks ago.. and it looking astonishingly.. human.. made it so much more real for me.
The other morning I woke up in tears because I had a nightmare that my stomach had received trauma and I started bleeding. I rolled over to my husb and told him that I was scared. I'm scared of how much I already love this baby. What if something happens to it? I'll be destroyed! He said that I shouldn't think of what could go wrong. I should focus on the happiness.
That made a lot of sense because I'm not afraid of loving my husband, but if something were to happen to him I would also be destroyed. I said that the difference is that I'm in charge of keeping the baby alive and safe and that it feels very daunting. He said that while I'm taking care of the baby he'll take care of me. We're a team and we'll take care of each other.
I thought that was really beautiful, and I'm very grateful to God that I was given such a wonderful husband.
I've been blessed with so many people who love me. Here are just a few examples off the top of my head:
My husband's cousin who lives in DC sent me a big box (bulging!) of maternity clothes in my size that she sourced from her network of friends.
My aunt in Canada sent me a lovely little IM on Facebook congratulating me.
My father-in-law is about giddy to have a grand-baby on the way. He keeps texting.
My mom nearly bought a stockpile of care bears for the unborn.
One of my best friends sent me her Pinterest board of ideas she's already sourced for my baby shower.
The whole thing is overwhelming. Look - There is a lot of ground to cover here, and I don't have time to get to it all now.
How about we talk later?
OK - glad that works for you. Talk to you next week!
